Shit Finance Nerds Say

I just got back from a conference for finance content creators (bloggers, podcasters, youtubers, etc). What a bunch of nerds!

I was walking with my friends Zach (Four Pillar Freedom) and Becky (TwentyFree) when we jokingly threw out all the money advice we’ve heard lately. We may have repeated some of this advice ourselves.

Then I asked the lovely ladies over at the r/FireyFemmes subreddit, and they came up with even more ideas. So here it is, all the sh!t finance nerds say:

  1. If you invested your $5 cup of coffee every day, with a 7% market return you could have over $25,000 in 10 years!
  2. VTSAX and chill.
  3. Build the life you want then save for it.
  4. The first $X is the hardest.
  5. Invest the difference.
  6. Don’t retire from something, retire to something.
  7. Align your spending with your values.
  8. The best time to start saving was X years ago. The second best time is today!
  9. Jack Bogle is my hero.
  10. I could make that at home.
  11. Buy and hold.
  12. Seriously, hold. I don’t care that you lost $X yesterday, HOLD!
  13. This flight was free because of credit card points.
  14. Your 401k match is FREE MONEY!
  15. Pay yourself first.
  16. Stay the course.
  17. Earn, save, invest.
  18. Spend money on what brings you joy.
  19. Let me tell you the difference between leanFI, slowFI, coastFI, baristaFI, fatFI, and hippopotamusFI*.
  20. An HSA is a super retirement account!
  21. There’s a hack for that.
  22. Time in the market beats timing the market.
  23. Retirement isn’t just sipping margaritas on a beach.
  24. Comparison is the thief of joy.
  25. Buy as many lattes as you want!

*Totally made up

Have you said any of these things? If you have, you may be a finance nerd.

What did I miss? Let me know in the comments below!
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    1. Why do people invest in VTSAX when you can invest in VYM and be so much better off? Every FIRE website talks about VTSAX. Every one could retire faster and in a safer fashion with VYM. Drives me nuts. Take out a spreadsheet and do some modeling!

      1. If you plug in VTI (ETF version of VTSAX) and VYM into portfoliovisualizer dot com, you’ll see that on total return (stock price change and dividend together), they are extremely similar with VTI being just slightly better with a slightly higher CAGR and, importantly, a slightly better sharpe ratio. With an increase of dividends, you’ll also run into a little more tax.

  1. What happened to BeastFI?! Also hippopotamusFI is hilarious. I think I did finance nerding wrong because I told Michelle on the last day “Treat yoself” and “YOLO” in the same sentence while encouraging her to take an Uber to the airport. Oops…

    1. Oh man I totally forgot about BeastFI!

      Uh yeah I didn’t think I’d have someone try to convince me to get Starbucks when I mentioned, “Oh that sounds good… hmm… but I don’t need it.” You jumped in with more encouragement than I ever expected!

  2. Very funny post! I can’t think of any more cliche financial advice than you already listed. However I heard some anti-FIRE phrases in the TV ads tonight which included, “Buy product “X” …because you are worth it!” And my all time favorite, “think of all the money you can save by shopping at…( insert store name here)”

    1. VTSAX is a low cost index fund provided through Vanguard. It tracks the total stock market index, which means you get a little bit of everything on the market, and it’s definitely a favorite of this community!

      There are so many FIs! Sometimes I like to discuss them, and other times I get tired given how many there are, with similar goals overall.

  3. Haha hippopotamusFI made me laugh! I personally like elephants so I will be considering to reach up to the level of ElephantFI, let’s see how that goes?!

    For the time being I am a BeerFI, as I can at least pay my expenses on drinking beer out of my monthly passive income. haha

    Love the summarised list! 😉

    1. I agree! I think it’s something a lot of people say to try to explain that their retirement isn’t what you might default to thinking about. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting a “traditional” retirement either!

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