Shit Finance Nerds Say

I just got back from a conference for finance content creators (bloggers, podcasters, youtubers, etc). What a bunch of nerds!

I was walking with my friends Zach (Four Pillar Freedom) and Becky (TwentyFree) when we jokingly threw out all the money advice we’ve heard lately. We may have repeated some of this advice ourselves.

Then I asked the lovely ladies over at the r/FireyFemmes subreddit, and they came up with even more ideas. So here it is, all the sh!t finance nerds say:

  1. If you invested your $5 cup of coffee every day, with a 7% market return you could have over $25,000 in 10 years!
  2. VTSAX and chill.
  3. Build the life you want then save for it.
  4. The first $X is the hardest.
  5. Invest the difference.
  6. Don’t retire from something, retire to something.
  7. Align your spending with your values.
  8. The best time to start saving was X years ago. The second best time is today!
  9. Jack Bogle is my hero.
  10. I could make that at home.
  11. Buy and hold.
  12. Seriously, hold. I don’t care that you lost $X yesterday, HOLD!
  13. This flight was free because of credit card points.
  14. Your 401k match is FREE MONEY!
  15. Pay yourself first.
  16. Stay the course.
  17. Earn, save, invest.
  18. Spend money on what brings you joy.
  19. Let me tell you the difference between leanFI, slowFI, coastFI, baristaFI, fatFI, and hippopotamusFI*.
  20. An HSA is a super retirement account!
  21. There’s a hack for that.
  22. Time in the market beats timing the market.
  23. Retirement isn’t just sipping margaritas on a beach.
  24. Comparison is the thief of joy.
  25. Buy as many lattes as you want!

*Totally made up

Have you said any of these things? If you have, you may be a finance nerd.

What did I miss? Let me know in the comments below!
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Lazy Man and Money
2 years ago

I saw a VTSAX and Chill shirt at FinCon. That was my favorite of all the shirts I saw (and there were a lot of good ones).

2 years ago

Why do people invest in VTSAX when you can invest in VYM and be so much better off? Every FIRE website talks about VTSAX. Every one could retire faster and in a safer fashion with VYM. Drives me nuts. Take out a spreadsheet and do some modeling!

2 years ago
Reply to  Patrick

If you plug in VTI (ETF version of VTSAX) and VYM into portfoliovisualizer dot com, you’ll see that on total return (stock price change and dividend together), they are extremely similar with VTI being just slightly better with a slightly higher CAGR and, importantly, a slightly better sharpe ratio. With an increase of dividends, you’ll also run into a little more tax.

Dave @ Accidental FIRE

I’m actually shooting for RhinocerosFI. It’s kinda like HippopotamusFI but a little more paleolithic.

2 years ago

Always follow your passion in your career, never follow your passion in your career.

2 years ago

What happened to BeastFI?! Also hippopotamusFI is hilarious. I think I did finance nerding wrong because I told Michelle on the last day “Treat yoself” and “YOLO” in the same sentence while encouraging her to take an Uber to the airport. Oops…

2 years ago

OH YEAH! I forgot I tried to make you get coffee when you said you wanted it. I really am a bad finance nerd.

Ms Mod
Ms Mod
2 years ago

Are you sure they don’t say Fatty FIRE? Or maybe that’s just the way Zach says it, I dunno!

Abigail @ipickuppennies
Reply to  Ms Mod

Or the best finance nerd because you’re all about spending money for a purpose. That purpose just happened to be a caffeine rush in this case.

2 years ago

If I had a gun for every ace I’ve drawn, I could arm a town the size of Abilene. (Garcia/Hunter)

Kristen | The Frugal Girl
Kristen | The Frugal Girl
2 years ago

HippopotamusFI! Bahahaha! I love it.

Tread Lightly, Retire Early

Hahahahaha yes. This list needs to be made into a shirt. Or a bag.

2 years ago

I think you are on to something. FIRE needs more swag.

2 years ago

Very funny post! I can’t think of any more cliche financial advice than you already listed. However I heard some anti-FIRE phrases in the TV ads tonight which included, “Buy product “X” …because you are worth it!” And my all time favorite, “think of all the money you can save by shopping at…( insert store name here)”

Abigail @ipivkuppennies

I’ve seen the “VTSAX and Chill” shirt before and chuckled. Even though I only have a hazy idea what VTSAX is.

I think you covered all of what I heard (and then some). All the FIs are dizzying!

Tony @

Haha hippopotamusFI made me laugh! I personally like elephants so I will be considering to reach up to the level of ElephantFI, let’s see how that goes?!

For the time being I am a BeerFI, as I can at least pay my expenses on drinking beer out of my monthly passive income. haha

Love the summarised list! 😉

2 years ago

I wonder if you combine VTSAX and chill with the BRRRR method of real estate investing, you can reverse global warming with all of that chilllll ?

Susan @ FI Ideas
2 years ago

What about — “You have to get past those limiting beliefs”. It was great meeting you. This is a fun post.

2 years ago

Have you hit critical mass yet? Not as hip as today’s terms, but I’m old school.

Crew Dog
2 years ago

“Retirement isn’t just sipping margaritas on a beach.” Unless that’s exactly what you want it to be! #WetFIRE Living in/on/under the water