How To Make Your Significant Other Hate FIRE

woman holding hand up to camera

You love finance. It is hard to remember a time when you didn’t know that FIRE stood for Financial Independence, Retire Early. You have a savings rate of 70% and you can’t think of the last time you bought something without asking yourself if you really need it. But your new date doesn’t know anything about managing money— so it’s your job to teach them.

Here are some tried-and-true methods to get them to stop listening to you, ignore all of your advice, and make them second guess their choice of being with you in the first place.

man at computer explaining something to woman

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  1. Start with the hard-hitting stuff. Skip budgeting and tracking your spending, that stuff is way overhyped and booooring. Why should you start with the basics when there are way more interesting topics—like the 72(t) withdrawal strategy, the virtues of ETFs vs. mutual funds, and triple-tax advantaged accounts. They probably already know about tools like Mint and Personal Capital, so jump ahead to the tax strategies that saved you a ton this year.
  2. Consider your surroundings. The best time to teach your significant other about conscious spending decisions is right at the register. Ask him or her to reconsider whether the Ikea artwork they are passing to the cashier is really worth retiring a day later. There is nothing like a long line of people waiting behind you to really make you want to re-examine your purchases.
  3. Be deliberate with your timing. Nothing beats riding your bike to work—rain or shine. Convince your boyfriend to start immediately without regard to the weather. He will be totally amped about the gas money he saved when he arrives to work completely soaked. Similarly, if you are trying to get your girlfriend to pack her lunches, be sure to remind her right after she collapses on the couch after an exhausting day.  The best time to motivate change is now.
  4. Give money advice that ignores their personal situation. Forget all that “personal” finance crap. You know what is best for you, and it should be enough for your love interest too. You invest 50% of your paycheck, and so should they, even though they make less than you and have student loans to pay.
  5. Get them to go all-in. Remember that their first investment experience is about seeing what it’s really like to see swings in the market. So, rather than a slow introduction, be sure to get your significant other to invest in 100% stocks or bitcoin. Money decisions have big real-world consequences, and there’s no better way to drive this home than with a ‘go-big-or-go-home’ strategy.
  6. Make them realize how simple it is. Think about it, when you are learning something new and having a difficult time, nothing is more encouraging than someone telling you it is so easy their first-grade cousin could do it. Repeat that saving and investing is “not that hard,” and they will realize that whatever is holding them back is trivial.
  7. When you get frustrated, give up and say, “Nevermind, I’ll just do it myself.” You can’t afford to work through all of their money issues. Treat them like you would a child. Give them an allowance while you take charge. Who needs to fully understand their financial future anyway?

These are surefire techniques to get your partner to hate FIRE. Each one will surely test your relationship and bring some lively discussion to the table. With any luck, they will take something away from your teachings — even if it’s that they should run for the hills.

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Financial Gladiator
2 years ago

Hahaha – love it! Keep up the great work.

Abby H.
2 years ago

Love it ???

G@From One Geek to Another

This is fantastic!

PFI
2 years ago

Perfect – you got it exactly right. I particularly like the section on timing.

Tread Lightly, Retire Early

Hahahahaha. I love this so much.

Frogdancer Jones
2 years ago

The gas money sentence is perfect!!!

TimeToFI
2 years ago

This is awesome…I’ll have to keep this in mind as I begin introducing my wife to FI!

fixitlady
2 years ago

Haha! I enjoyed your funny post. My husband “loves” when I suggest we sell everything and retire and live in a one room tiny house.

GentlemansFamilyFinances

Financial mechanic seems to ignore.yhe fact that courting alone is a major area of expense.
You.might even want to spend money on your new loved one.or heaven forbid go on holiday and not sleep in bunk beds or in a tent.

I would.also.suggest that attitudes to money need to be duscussed and negotiated and agreeed. It takes a bit more than just saying it’s my cycle way or the highway.

Abigail @ipickuppennies

Yep, right after a long day of work is DEFINITELY the time to mention packing a lunch. Your timing in these situations would be impeccable. Bravo! 😛

Bitches Get Riches (@BitchesGetRich)

Bahahhah! This is great.

Millionaire Dojo
2 years ago

Haha, really funny! Back when I was a Dave Ramsey follower, I tried to force my wife to listen to his podcast knowing that she hates talk shows… Didn’t go so well!

Caroline at Costa Rica FIRE

Luckily my spouse and I are similar in temperament. That said, I was always the instigator, and it took several years to get my spouse fully onboard. In our case, Scott tracked the numbers for a while and could see the benefit of moves we were making — in our business, paper assets and real estate. The tracking then became more active management and finally he jumped from his W2 job to embrace entrepreneurship full-time. Agree 100% that you have to ease into it.

HisHerMoneyGuide.com
2 years ago

Lol, love it. So glad to have my partner fully aboard the FI ship! We even egg each other on.

Cheers,
Ellie

Seonwoo
1 year ago

You’re making this too difficult. Just tell him he’s not allowed to spend money on anything