In honor of Halloween let me introduce you to the money monsters we face. Brace yourself for five appalling creatures intent on wrecking financial havoc.

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The Too-Good-To-Be-True Siren

Beware the siren call of spectacular profits with low risk. Shut your ears from the tempting tease to wire money or pay a fee before a new job or pretty pay-out.

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Multi-level marketing schemes threaten to draw you in with sickly sweet promises of great riches. Avert your eyes from deals that are too good to be true and require you to act now or else. With adrenaline pumping and the sweet siren call swirling, it is a sure path to doom.

Zombie of Resurrected Payments

Every month new payments reach out of the earth, tapping around with frigid fingertips. It moans not for brains, but for your monthly due, it sees the blood drain out of your face, what a frightful hue! According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, Americans spend $2,842 per year, or 237 per month on entertainment. Some subscriptions threaten to never die, to follow you in pursuit of payment forever.

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Do what you can to hack away at these repeating costs. Share with friends, fire up Youtube work outs at home, and call up service providers for discounts. Whatever it takes to defend yourself from the cold grasp of constant payments.

Insecure Investor Imp

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The investing imp perches on the shoulders of unsuspecting victims. It whispers  insidiously about a scary stock market, warning you from plunging into murky depths. When you hesitate, it cackles that you should wait to put your money in at a better time.

Morningstar calculated the monthly investments required to get to $1 million by the
age of 65. Assuming a 7% annual rate of return, you’d need to save:

  • $381 / month if you start at age 25
  • $820 / month if you start at age 35
  • $1,920 / month if you start at age  45
  • $5,778 / month if you start at age 55

The imp murmurs about other places to put your money, into a car, a wedding, a gift, another thing. That will surely be safer, the imp shiftily says. Beware the insecure investor imp, underhanding you and your future at every turn. Outwit it by investing now.

Spine-Chilling Squanderer

The squanderer drifts through malls, coins rolling away underfoot. You might hear
the keening wail of jealousy bouncing off the walls as it notices that the Joneses got a new car and the latest iPhone. The squanderer squeezes into people’s minds, making them ignore a straining bank account. It swipes credit cards left and right, a rabid consumer. The problem is it can look… just… like… us. Savvy money managers beware the squanderer’s simple-minded shopping frenzy.

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The Vehicular Vampire

That shiny new car may look like any other on the road, but you better believe that
in the shadows it turns into a thirsty wallet-sucker. As gas pumps into the new car,
costs trickle out of your budget like blood. The vehicular vampire will suck you
dry—demanding payments for insurance, maintenance, inspections, petrol, and
interest. In the first 5 years of ownership, the vampire will thirst on 60% of your
vehicle’s value. When the crypt doors creak, owning a new car can be quite bleak!

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If you have not already clicked away, heart-racing in fear

Remember your goals and that which you hold dear

Beware those in the financial house of horrors

The five that threaten to make you a money mourner

10 thoughts on “House of Five Financial Horrors

  1. Those monthly fees can really get to you. I just called our home phone company to renew a small discount I had on our landline service. I was able to get the discount again for 12 more months, but the agent offered an upgraded internet and phone package for only $10 more per month. I said I would need to call back and think about it. Sure it is only $10 more per month, but that is $120 per year (and even more when you add in taxes and fees). We’re happy with our internet speed now, so I would rather put the extra $120 to something better!

    -DGuy

    Like

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